Fictionalized Interactions with the Son I’m Never Going to Have
“Hey dad, how do I let a girl know I like her?”
“Been there, buddy. Have you tried putting one black velvet rose and one white ceramic rose on her porch with a note that reads, “My heart will be BLACK until you fill it with the WHITE heat of your love” then ringing the doorbell and running away?”
“Please tell me you never did that.”
“I like to think of it as my signature move”
“Did it work out?”
“Well she became a successful lawyer and married one of my childhood friends. So for them, yes.”
(Pause)
“Your nose is bleeding again, dad.”
“It’ll clot on its own.”
