Fictionalized Interactions with the Son I’m Never Going to Have
“Hey dad, mom told me that you used to own snakes.”
Finally, we can have the talk.
“Yes, son, I had a python named Salazar and a boa named—wait for it—Balthazar. They were so much fun.”
“Really? What did you do with them?”
“I’d take them out, and they’d slither around the apartment. One time I videotaped Balthazar eating a mouse. In fact, I have it right here. Fire up the VCR!”
“Mom had to sell it to pay for my anxiety medication.”
“NO! NOT THE SYLVANIA!”
